Hello Assalamualaikum. 😊
Huhu after a few moments or i should say a few month. 😅 i write again... Then this is me.. Very hard to stay istiqamah like to do the same thing at the same time every day.. Just like writing this blog that i need to sot still, think n write. 😪😪 bit still the feeling and the urgeness to write n share sth is always there inside myself.. It just. 😒 hahaa. ... Dont know what the suitable word...
Yesterday, i went to UIA to attend a meeting of an organisation... And im like very nervous from the start, at the first step in UIA. 😥😥 .. Cause i know there will be a change for post n position from 2016 to 2017 .. And i'll be one of person that were selected to hold a post.. Wether it is mainboard or not... That when the session or the program start, i keep holding my hidayah's hand like to take some strengt from her... At the same time, i try to soothe myself by thinking that, kq amni would not choose me. 😌😌 ... Eventhough the nervousnesa still here. ... And when the announcement made... *they show the name on the slide.. And i saw my name.. And i'll be like 😐 that made me speechless.. And i look at ayong at the front, when she nodded at me signing that it is me.. Then i knew that i had accepted one more responsible next sem.. One more post that the importantness is cant be denied ... I stand up hopelessly and went to in front to see kq amni waiting for me. I shake hand with her n hug her.. At that time, i try hardly to prevent from crying... As that time, i felt so hard, like something so hard fell on ur head... And i started feeling to have fever like the headache can make me go faint 😲 ... When the session ended for a while to pray zohor... I went to ayong n hug her , and ayong said sth that really soothing myself n i'll bear in mind always. Ayong said, that i am the strongest person she've ever meet because even i lost my biological mom but still i can get that value for GPA in the first sem while busying with mrc , usrah , programs .. And i'll be like clueless bcoz i'm never think that losing my mom since baby is a barrier for me to do sth as i know Allah is the best planner. ... That we must always grateful to Allah by looking what we have not what we dont.. Yes i sad, i miss her, but i know by doing best in deen wa dunya is what she seek from me... And something that i hold, that always in my mind and heart, when i achieve sth, that is the pay from Allah bcoz He took my mom.. Then i'll be very grateful to Him... Ayong said a lot but that is the highlight of that... And in the last sujood to Allah in zuhur prayer, i cried, sy mengadu kat Allah.. Its like Allah satusatunya tmpt bergantung dr dulu sampai skrg.. And i seek calmness from Allah and Allah is the most loving God to his hamba.. That i really reach calmness that i can smile again n bersemangat balik. ... .. Tu jer kot stakat ni. 😉😉
Hope that whoever read this, can take as much lesson from my storyb, its not for riyak, takabbur or ujub. I just want to share and everyone is permitted to share sth... And that remember to always seek forgiveness with Allah by istighfar especially forgiveness if there is a dot of riyak. Ujub n takabbur in our heart... Bcoz we humans that so fragile cant run from that negative n killing feeling..
